I call them 'Frankenstein Scones'

This is the transcript of my msn conversation with Andy (previously know as 'The Boy') as I put my scones into the oven:

| m i c h e ll e | --- says
ive created monsters
terrifying monsters
i feel like a mother who just realised she gave birth to the spawn of satan
bad things happen in this kitchen
Andrew says
awwww
its ok
| m i c h e ll e | --- says
im scared andy
comfort me
COMFORT MEEEE!!!!
Andrew says
its ook    
| m i c h e ll e | --- says
no one can comfort me now
its too late
Andrew says
happy happy happy
im soo happy
that is yoou, were so happy

It may have been a little over dramatic, but honestly, as I sat waiting in the kitchen seeking comfort at my computer, in the corner of my eye I could see them maturing in the oven, growing strength and size until they would leap out and take over the world!  They were even supposed to come out of the oven AT MIDNIGHT! What a terrifying omen. 

Anyway, they were actually supposed to be a mix between a red velvet cupcake and a scone... I mean, I probably could have pulled it off if I weren't such a retard at following recipes :\ So yeah, I'm not giving you MY recipe because it failed horribly!

But some lessons from this: 

Firstly, mix all dry ingredients and all the wet ingredients together BEFORE combining them, this includes extras like say, vanilla essence and food colouring.

Secondly, remember that scones are a DOUGH not a batter, therefore, do not mix them with beaters. 

Thirdly, make sure you have enough essential ingredients, like say, flour for instance.

Anyway, they turned out pretty horribly, as predicted, although they were edible with jam. But I guess that's kind of what scones are normally like, they need jam to be complete :)